How the fetish world helps me recover from mental illness.
TRIGGER WARNING: I mention self -injury and body image issues.
As humans, we are bombarded everyday with what the “perfect” body is supposed to be. What size, shape, color, age…the list goes on and on. We open social media and if there’s not an article, there’s an advertisement or simply a picture of what the idea body should look like.
So, how we keep positive in a world with such high expectations?
First of all, anyone who says they are 100% confident 100% of the time is just simply lying.
We are human and imperfections come with the territory. Maybe you love your shape, but you just don’t like your hair, or maybe you love your eyes, but not your ass. The nice thing about the fetish community is that we all have insecurities and we all love specific things that aren’t necessary considered typical in the “real world” and that’s why I love it here.
I may hate my stomach, but a buyer out there may love it. You may hate your feet, but someone out there will worship them. There should be no facades here, no competition and no ideal perfection because each and every one of us have something special that someone is going to lust after.
Body positivity shouldn’t be something we occasionally stand up for, it should be an everyday automatic reaction. If we get offended that someone is tearing down someone else, we shouldn’t stand up for them because it’s the right thing to do, we should stand up for them because it’s the human thing to do.
Ever since I was a kid, I was told by my Mother to maintain a perfect image. Don’t wear glasses, cover up pimples, stay thin, do my hair, perfect makeup, no scars, get a tan…on and on. I always felt as if image was the most important thing in the world, to the point I didn’t know how to talk to people, but I definitely knew how to present myself to them.
As I got older, this messed with my head big time. I intellectually thought something was wrong with me as a person. I thought I was less than every other woman out there. I thought that if I wore my glasses, dyed my hair and gained a little weight that I had less value than others around me.
When I entered the fetish world a couple years ago, I was naïve and assumed that I wouldn’t make it due to my older, plumper and imperfect body. I was so overwhelmed with what I assumed at the time was my competition, that I left. After some time away and a lot of work on myself, I came back and I feel more confident, sexy and at home with myself and my body. Back when I first started, before I left. I covered every dimple, every skin imperfection, even made myself thinner when I was considered dangerously underweight.
When I was in my teens and twenties, I suffered with self-injury, hair pulling and skin picking disorder and my body bears the scars of that. Sometimes I look at my skin and think, “Ugh, no one wants to see this.”, but then I catch myself and think, “Wait, why!? I’m human and so are they. The ones without a problem, won’t even care.” And it’s true. Your scars, stretch marks, dimples…they are all just spattering’s of our amazing experiences. They are part of what makes us strong and beautiful.
I have realized that just as those of us with body image issues have specific preferences, so do the buyers. Someone out there will love what we don’t particularly care for about ourselves.
So, if you are struggling, as I did, here are my tips:
-Reach out to others and embrace all body types. Like their pictures, comment positive comments, be friendly, but be sincere.
-Figure out what your most loved feature is (by buyers) and/or your most disliked by you and run with it. Use it. If you hate your ass, shake it. If you aren’t fond of your stomach, show it off.
-Don’t use filters: Now filters are fine. I use them, but I mean filters that drastically change your body. You want to smooth out your skin, great. You want to remove a pimple, that’s understandable, but don’t photoshop yourself to look unrealistically thinner or make your boobs bigger or look drastically perfect, because this isn’t a true representation of who you are.
-Fake it ‘til you make it. Yep, if you don’t feel confident, just fake it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you love those parts of you that aren’t so sure about. Show off those parts in particular in pictures or videos. Eventually you will believe it. It takes a lot of time to retrain the brain to believe what we tell it, so tell it good things.
-Last but not least, be kind to others. Your issues may not be their issues and vice versa. Just because you feel strongly about something, doesn’t make it any less valid because someone else doesn’t feel strongly about it. Do what you feel is right. Don’t get sucked into the drama or gossip. Be better than that. Above all, be kind. Always. If you give kindness out, you get it back from the right people.
Every BODY is beautiful, no matter what others say, and this community can help you see that even if you can’t.
Learn more below about some of the body issue disorders from a non-profit organization I love to support.